I May Be An Asshole, But…

Sometimes when you want to reach your goal
What you need the most is a total asshole

When you feel like quitting and just want to sob
You can call your asshole to do the job

Instead of being sympathetic to your whining
I’ll kick your butt and stop your pining

When you need a hug for your bonhomie
Go on home and tell your mommy

Cause I’m not here to kiss your ass
I’m around to give you gas

As the best thing to keep your clock ticking
Is a good old-fashioned hard ass-kicking

I know you won’t like it and I’ll be on my own
Since no one likes being shoved from a comfort zone

I’m sure there are others who’ll extoll your wonder
My only plan is to make you thunder

Will you thank me someday to be fair
I love you enough that I simply don’t care

So I may be an annoying boor in playing this role
But I’m on your side — I’m your asshole