Teen Poem

We’re just plain parents, you know what I mean
We have us a daughter, who’s now a teen

Things are great, at least so far
But the boy that she’s dating, he’s not a star

Unwashed and slimy with oily hair
And his stoned expression leaves naught to care

Unworthy so clear of our precious daughter
Whose sweetness and beauty is pure as glacier water

As her dad I thought it made sense to point out
The boy’s many faults, so she’d share my doubt

Not the best plan, said my much wiser wife
She had more insight to avoiding teenage strife

Speak not a word about it, she admonished me
There’ll be the right moment, and then you will see

Otherwise, if you push forward your point
With deeper wonder the boy will anoint

Ok I agreed with reluctance as I knew she was smarter
And I put a pin in my usual Triple-A self-starter

It was only a week or so later we were abed in state
The boy phoned to inform that our girl would be home late

What’s the reason pray tell asked my wife in feigned lighthearted mood
Ah said the boy, oh too quickly, she’s a bit ill from eating Indian food

Ok of course said the wife as she hung up the phone
This is it, she smiled at me as if she’d already known

I looked her askance with my thoughts all a muddle
She calmed me down and said don’t get in a befuddle

Just wait a bit more and let’s see it play out
Ok I said, though my countenance made clear my doubt

Sure as shooting the phone rang once more
Perhaps said the boy it was best if we came to his door

Nothing to worry he added nonchalant
But best if we took her home from his haunt

So now out of bed and into the car
Not a far drive since he didn’t live far

When we got there things looked a great deal worse
She’d puked on his rug and he was trying hard not to curse

We bundled our girl into the back seat
Hugs, crying and bedraggled the poor thing was beat

As I put it in drive, the boy asked ‘what of my rug’ in clear parental fear
The answer to me needed little thought since it was crystaline clear

Since it was you that got our girl in this way
Seems like it’s your problem, and we drove away

We got her home quick and put her to bed on the double
But of course we asked what was it that caused all the trouble

The Indian food story was scarce to be believed
Pray tell us so we can be relieved

Mom and dad, a cigar was all that we did smoke
Not anything wrongful did I take a toke

What was in the cigar watching her eyes so innocently wide
It was just tobacco our now-recovering girl neatly replied

Oh bullshit, wife and I said in unison, now tell us the truth
It was filled up with marijuana, now sayeth sooth

At long last with tears she did confess
T’was a ‘blunt’ she had smoked which made all the mess

I admit at this point it was hard for me and my wife to look worried
With plastered on frowns back to our bedroom the two of us hurried

We stifled our laughter and our broad smiles
And I doffed an imaginary hat at her strategic beguiles

The boy we thought so much of was never again seen
Rain dance – rain dance – he was gone from our teen

Better yet, the next morning we lied to our girl
We said pot smoking often causes this kind of a swirl

And it took the better part of a year for her to figure out
It was the tobacco not the pot that caused her redoubt

So happy we were this one time to outwit our teen
A parental triumph and you know what I mean